She is Clothed in Strength –

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Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will – Gandhi

I came across this picture last night and I began to reflect on my past – dangerous road to journey right before bedtime right? This picture was taken over 9 years and two children ago. I began to think about strength – not the physical strength, but that inner strength we don’t give ourselves enough credit for. I began to realize how far I’ve come in terms of my own inner strength. In this very moment I gave myself credit.

I do often give myself credit for trudging my 7 year old over my shoulder and carrying him all the way up the stairs many nights. See, as I reflected on my past I remembered the heartache and brokenness I endured. Feelings of despair overcame me immediately at just the thought of my past troubles.

Although, those thoughts and feelings were real – so were feelings of gratitude. I can’t help but be thankful – as I have gained strength, faith and wisdom. I am no longer the girl in this picture taken over 9 years ago. That girl in the picture did not know troubles, brokenness, fear, failure nor wisdom, faith, or her own strength.

Sure, my past is hard to face at times and I can easily remember the sadness and sorrow. But, without struggles and failures wouldn’t come strength and wisdom right?

Strength does not come from what you CAN do – it comes from what you thought you couldn’t do. Those times when you thought you couldn’t make it through. Suddenly one day you look back and you realize the inner strength, faith and wisdom you now have. It makes for an entirely different person. I now wear my tragedies as armor, not shackles.

I will leave you with this – She is clothed in Strength and Dignity, and laughs without Fear of the Future – Proverbs: 31.25

   Strength_me

Bye-Bye Complacency

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So among my own trials I’ve began thinking about fear and failure. I have come to terms that I have become what I have always feared most. You see – I am not afraid of flying, I’m not afraid of heights, spiders or even dying (okay, maybe spiders). What I have feared most throughout my life is complacency and routine. I grew up in a household with two working parents and not a lot of love and affection to go around. Time was one thing my parents seem to never have. I swore off a life of complacency at a very young age. As a child I dreamt about traveling, sight-seeing and other adventures. I didn’t dream of my wedding. I wanted to live and be adventurous.

In my 20s and in college I developed into an adrenaline junkie. I could never go high enough, fast enough or travel enough. I would skydive in celebration of another birthday or cliff-jump off a 75ft. cliff because it seemed like a fun thing to do. Not to mention, climb 75 stories or run a half- marathon because I wanted the challenge.

I didn’t want to become what the world around me was – average! I didn’t want to get stuck in a rut. I wanted passion in my relationship and feared the dead end job and being a slave for money. Commuting? No thanks, that’s just not for me. I bought into this life of adventure and traveling thinking it could really be my ideal life.

Somewhere after grad school I began to think I should finally grow up. I should marry, have children and buy my dream home. Not realizing all that comes with a heavy sense of responsibility and I’d have to say adios to my life of adventure, right? After years of commuting and working at a dead end job coupled with a passionless relationship (of course it never starts that way) I felt as if I merely existed. I lived for the weekends, particularly the long ones. Weeknights were filled with rushed dinners, homework time, bath time, story time and many glasses of wine.

I felt numb and average. I felt I was not leaving an imprint in society and I was forgettable. That’s when I lost my job and everything changed. It was almost like a sign from above showing me I was wasting my life being ordinary and secondary. I felt lost and slightly hopeless. How had I been living this life of stagnation and complacency day in and day out? It was a reminder of the bright eyed adventurous girl I used to be, where had she gone?

I came to my senses one day and decided I’ve had enough! I’ve had enough of living in mediocrity and waiting for the weekend. I had enough of having money in my bank account but constantly feeling frustrated with my children and spouse. After all it wasn’t my children or significant other – it was me that was unhappy with my daily situation.

I’ m back to my sense of self and wonder. I am doing what I love to do and that is inspire and motivate others to realize the power they have within. Our thoughts are so powerful they can be used to inspire us and inspire change or speak words of toxicity and negativity. I no longer live in negativity. I’ve put a pep in my step and have stopped planning all my days a two months out. Sometimes I fly by the seat of my pants and you know what, that’s quite alright. I have gained the spark back in my relationship by relinquishing my daily routine and embracing a sense of adventure. The hubby and I recently attended a rock concert to a band we used to love and enjoy. It’s the little things that count the most and that make us the happiest. If you are miserable or depressed in some aspect of your life – only you have the power to make the decision to not accept your situation anymore and take the first step into that scary word Change. I’ve done enough whining and self-doubting in my life. One day you just get fed up with your situation – either a part of you dies or you stand up and fight for what will make you happiest. So whatever it is that is stressing you out. Let it go – take a deep breath and take the first step to embark on change and transforming your situation.

You deserve happiness and to feel fulfilled – you deserve a life of passion and adventure. You are not yesterday’s news and you will not go quietly into the night. You were meant for something more and something greater. You will not die without leaving your mark. So, I will leave you with this – weather it’s that Zumba class you’ve always wanted to try or a new hobbie such as hiking or rock climbing, try something new that will add some spark and sense of adventure. Get out of your routine and jump into something new and exciting. Embrace change and don’t be afraid of what others will think. Rock On!

So, here I am

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Ok,  so if you couldn’t already tell by now I am very new at this blogging scene and slightly intimidated as I am not a writer or an English major. I am simply a mom of two boys, an employee, a sister, a daughter and a pretty damn good friend – Ohh, almost forgot I’m also a wife and a widow (I’ll tell you about the widow part another time). I have remarried, hence makes me a wife and a widow.

So, here I am beginning my blogging adventure and as I read through the other blogs – I think to my self, how in the world am I going to start this journey.

Let’s back up a bit and I’ll tell you why I’m starting my new journey blogging. After what seemed like a million years in school I attained my MBA (Masters of Business Administration) and I have attainted and worked my tail to earn a schnazy (don’t know if I spelled that right) job title. Well, after two years of blood sweat and tears – not to mention feeling like a bad mom because I don’t stay home with my kids I am in the process of being “let go” and my position is being “eliminated” – Yes, that’s right I will be unemployed after doing all the right things society and our parents tell us to do. I know it happens to the best of us, but I simply don’t get it.

I invested so much time and money to say the least in my education and went to a good school (no offense to the online education or for profit system). But you hear me, I worked my a#@@%# off and commuted everyday, got along with my peers and co-workers, refrained from drinking with my peers and never had any bad stunts or embarrassing issues at work. I walked the line in working for the man. I was the well-oiled machine and efficient as heck! Well, still here I am writing to you. Not even knowing if an audience will read this as I never knew I would one day be blogging my life.

So, where did I go wrong? Ironically enough, my full-time job was to directly assist and “place” college students in full-time jobs. The irony kills me, really!

After walking the line for so long and living this uneventful monotony called a career I am now searching for something more. Something I want to do and create. I don’t know where the road will take me, but I have already been to hell and back so I know it can’t be that bad.

I guess in hopes of inspiring and motivating others – I am also on a quest to restore my hope and motivation. Afterall, the teacher is the one that often learns the most right?

Thanks for reading my babble and non-sense. Hope you come back and visit my blog again. I swear I will work on it and try to figure this thing out. Until then, I will live to fight another day and push forward.

 

Yes, YOU CAN! Motivation Monday

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I often wonder why we as women allow ourselves to be mistreated at times. At some point in our lives we have allowed or continue to allow others to walk all over us mistaking our kindness for weakness. You’re probably thinking – I’ve heard this before – Yes, but do we actually LISTEN? Do you choose to make decisions? Not doing anything at all to stand-up for yourself or for what you want IS a decision in itself.

See, I have been in relationships where I have allowed someone to mistreat me, talk negatively to me and create self-doubt. I bought into what that person was selling me. Stuff like, I was not worthy of a man who truly respected me and was kind. I was not worthy of that job title or promotion. I was not worthy to pursue my dreams and goals. I must accept my current situation or circumstances. Well, you know what I say, I say NO!

At a turning point I decided to NO longer listen to that person, rather listen to my inner voice telling me YOU CAN! My inner voice who I have shut out for so long. YOUCAN walk away from this toxic relationship, YOU CAN get that promotion, YOU CAN do anything you darn right want to do!! BUT, only YOU have the power to make that choice and believe that you too CAN!

We must be FEARLESS and BOLD – it is very scary to change and encompass change. But, in the same sense it is also very liberating and once we start living for ourselves our possibilities are endless.

Cheers to all those who are already living bold and fearless lives. One baby step at a time. Remember, everyday we make a choice – a choice to be positive, a choice in what and who we surround ourselves with. A choice to put our dreams on hold, or a choice to pursue them.

What is your choice today?

This is my first post as I am trying something new and I am choosing to be bold and fearless. It has been a goal of mine for far too long to be a blogger. I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far.

Rock on friend, you can do anything you set your mind to.